So, it’s a little over two weeks into the new year. Excitement, wonder, and curiosity abound. We hope to experience peace and contentment in the immediate future; for me, the future is the rest of the day. But so much of our peace depends on how much we are willing to let go of. Upon awakening, we habitually go to the freezer and pull out a container of frozen gruel from the past. We chisel out a chunk, zap it in the microwave, and then spoon it into our emotional, physical, and cognitive story-making machine. Same gruel, different day. The story we keep telling ourselves, real or imagined keeps us in a come-from-behind position. “How could they, or life done ________ to me.” Well, unfortunately, bad behaviors and intentions come very easily to some. In these current times, it’s easy to become cynical. Cynicism encourages us to expect the worst from life and people. “Prepare for the worst, hope for the best,” means entering every day in a clenched defensive posture, with gruel dribbling down our chin.
As a therapist, I have found that questions are often far more useful than the answers. But what if we asked, “What if this _______ I’m approaching turns out to be easier and less frightening than I expected?” or “What if I didn’t have to hold my breath, furrow my brow, tense my muscles, and plow into whatever’s next?”
I’ve told myself, “When things are a certain way, then I’ll let go.” This just sets me up for more waiting and holding on. I’m learning to accept the fact that everything can’t and won’t be brought under my control. I can’t hit the rewind and splice and edit the past to fit my dreamed-of or demanded scenarios. I’m learning to carry on with things that cannot be fixed. But they can be understood, accepted, and adjusted to. We can’t ever be completely smug about the future because, well, it’s the future. So, letting go can be a fun/essential mission to take on. And as far as the past goes, in most cases, justice will not be served. So, we need to ask, “How then shall I live?” Certainly not with our eyes glued to the rearview mirror, nor straining our necks trying to peer into the future. How about just being okay today?
